Erase It All
by Sinsie
Summary: Severus wanted to Lily's friendship, and when given the opportunity, he takes it. Only, his new start begins when his friendship has already ended and where Lily is on her way to following for James Potter. And Severus knows that those who need to be born in the future cannot be erased. One day, Harry Potter will have to be born, leaving Severus with little hopes to romance.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Okay this is my first Harry Potter Fanfic since 2009. I've been revisiting my childhood and I wanted to write a Fanfic as a small project in between my job and University. So I might forget some of the small facts, but nothing big, about Harry Potter. Seeing how this is an AU I don't think I will have much trouble. That being said, this is also my first attempt at SeverusxLily. I just finished reading another Snily redemption fic and wanted to take my own spin on the situation. I have not read too many Snily fics, so if it appears I am using someone else's ideas, it is pure coincidence. But I know redemption stories have been done time and time again. I just want to see if I can write one with a more mature tone. Anyway, please review and let me know how I am doing. Feedback would be great. **

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Blood was dripping down his chest, choking Severus Snape's airway. He could see the boy, Potter, looking at him. His face, it was full of pity, leaving him appearing more like Lily than James.

'Lily.' Severus thought to himself bitterly. 'You were even on my mind now, of all things.'

The world was going dark, and Severus could no longer focus on Harry. Everything was melting away into a numbing blackness that swallowed Severus whole in one gulp as his eyes finally shut and he let out one last rattling breath. Weightlessness settled in an almost endless falling sensation. Severus would have kept his eyes shut if weren't for the blinding white light that penetrated from behind his eyelids. Cautiously, Severus squinted opened his eyes to see a white foggy expanse of green fields. Slowly Severus turned trying to get his bearings. Indistinct shapes were behind the fog;and when Severus moved closer to the objects his foot painfully hooked on something, causing Severus to crush onto the sand. Stunned by the shock of his very real weight, Severus saw the outlining of an eerily familiar sandbox.

Faintly, he heard children playing. Vague memories of himself and a young girl playing started inside his mind. Their images were there, appearing right next to him, digging with sticks. It was then, that Severus knew he was dead.

Still, he stood up as diligently as he could before shaking his cloak free of sand. The children disipating as his thoughts shifted from them.

It was clear he was near his childhood home and this caused Severus to scowl, "What in God's sake am I doing here?"

"I suppose that is a good question." A voice stated behind him commented.

Quickly, Severus turned around to see someone he didn't take great pleasure in seeing. "Albus."

"Good evening, Severus. Though I suppose it isn't evening here." Albus said nonchalantly noted to the grey, afternoon light before inviting himself to stand next to Severus.

"Why are you here? Are you somehow connected to my own personal hell?" Severus asked dryly not sure if he should waste his time caring he was in purgatory.

"Goodness no. More like a crossroads I suppose. I suspect you have many happy memories here." Albus answered before settling himself on a metal, colorful pony that rocked under his weight momentarily.

"Some... most." Severus answered cryptically, not wanting to remember his home life.

"Ah as is with most life." Albus commented as if he was an expert in Severus' life. Maybe he was. He certainly knew more about Severus then most Wizards or Witches.

"What do you want, Albus? I wish to spend my eternity in..." Severus motioned to the foggy surroundings, "whatever you call this, alone."

"Sounds a bit grim to experience, don't you think Severus?" Albus inquired, looking up at Severus' disinterested face. "You always have that face when you are faced with something you don't want to do."

"You would know this face very well, wouldn't you." Severus said flatly. His answer, nonetheless, caused Albus Dumbledore to smile.

"This is true. But I wonder Severus. Do you wish to stay here?" This caused Severus to darkly inspect Albus critically. Was he some type of trick of his mind? Was he imaging all of this in his dying brain.

"Is this a trick question?"

"No. I believe this is as straight forward of an question as I can ask." Albus said before folding his hands on his lap. With a slight cock of his head, he asked once again, "Does this place look like paradise to you, Severus?"

"Of course not. No one would want to spend their eternity in a foggy, Muggle playground." Severus snapped harshly.

"Then I take it, you don't wish to stay here." Albus inquired once more with an even bigger smile that made Severus sneer involuntarily.

"That's indeed what I just stated." Severus made painfully clear.

Albus repositioned himself on the child toy, before continuing, "We all have regrets, Severus. Some of us more than others. But some would go back, if they could. Would you?"

"What? And live my life differently?" Severus hissed. He had to be joking, Severus was convinced. But the way Dumbledore kept smiling knowingly up at Severus, made him realize that the man wasn't joking. "To go through life again, through all the pain and misery. To go through death once more..." Severus said smoothly his eyes looking pass Albus and into the fog where he knew if he peered hard enough he could see Lily's door.

"Death, is inevitable no matter if you pick it now or another time, Severus. But pain and misery can change into joy and love if one has the constitution enough to try." Albus stated simply.

"There isn't anything for me there. No one I care for or whom I wish to see again." Severus revealed darkly. "I don't see much of a point."

"Ah, but Severus, I am not talking about the now, I am talking about the then." This caused Severus to look at Albus once more, his eyes burning with questions.

"To which then? To before I became a Death Eater? Back when Lily and I played in this sandbox?" Severus questioned as he started to weight his options seriously.

"Time cannot erase everything. Those who are supposed to be born, will be born." Albus pointedly spoke. So no matter what Lily would marry James. No matter what Harry Potter would be born, Severus understood that clearly.

"Then what can it grant me?" Severus asked coldly. "She was all I ever wanted."

"Another chance, to gain her trust and love once more." Albus answered so softly Severus barely registered it.

The idea was alluring even if he knew he would have to receive it as she was married to James Potter of all people. If he could just speak with her, hear her voice again, life would have been much more fulfilled. But was it worth it?

"I don't think I ever wanted a chance at redemption... yet..." Severus trailed off remembering all of those nights he would revisit his memories in the pensive just to see Lily one last time. Seeing her smile at him in his memories made protecting her son more bearable. A chance to experience more than what little time they were friends together, seemed too much of a dream to be real.

Yet... it was too good of an opportunity to give up.

"Very well. What do I have to do." Severus answered with deep conviction, his brows knitting together.

"Nothing." Albus said in a whispery voice. "As you can probably already see, it has already begun." The world began to run like a watery water color painting. Albus' clear blue eyes blurred with the rest of his face and Severus simultaneously felt dizzy as everything streaked and faded. Cradling his head in his hands, Severus waited for the whole world to stop spinning. A harsh wind began to bellow, the fog whisped around Severus and the melting world. Then suddenly it stilled.

When he opened his eyes, Severus found himself standing in exactly the same spot. Except with the fog gone, everything had a vibrant color of reality. A soft breeze stirred his dark locks, almost as if on cue to tell Severus he was living once more. Looking down, Severus feared to see his old, dirty, and ill fitting Muggle clothing. Instead he saw his typically black robes and expensive cotton and tight fitting doublet he wore even into his final years. He was a full grown wizard, he supposed. But, then again, he vaguely remembered receiving new clothing from his inherited wealth from his departed Grandfather during his last summer at Spinner's End.

"Stop it, James!" A loud squeal followed by laughter peeped Severus' ears.

Across the street was Lily being spun around in James' arms. A scowl tugged at Severus' lips. What a perfect place to be teleported back to.

"Date me." James crowed loudly as he placed Lily on her feet. Instantly she began to walk away but James reached for her hand. "Oh come on! Admit it! You had the time of your life buying your school supplies with me!"

Lily stopped and to Severus' disgust he saw Potter, maturely and tenderly reach around Lily from the behind before whispering something to her. For a moment, Severus thought he would see Lily give in. Yet, at the last moment, Severus watched Lily pull away from him.

"You never get over yourself, Potter." Lily barely said loud enough for Severus to hear. But the rest of the conversation disappeared into murmured sounds. Severus still watched the exchange until the two teens entered the nice, well groomed house.

A dead sensation twisted in Severus' heart. Had fate cruelly teleported him back in time, too late to never call Lily a 'Mudblood' and to witness Lily Evans to fall in love with James Potter all over again? It appeared so. And standing there in the sandbox, Severus could only shakily roll up his sleeve to witness a luckily Death Mark-less wrist.

Was that his only reward? He hadn't officially joined the Dark Lord?

To most, that would be a relief. But to Severus, it left a sour taste in his mouth. It was his only benefit. There was no Lily, just her judging eyes every time he tried to apologize. And it had been well over a year now since their fall out. Now there was only his fellow soon-to-be Dark Wizard classmates, waiting for him at Hogwarts. And, even though Severus wasn't sure about the date, he was sure he was about to enter his seventh year at Hogwarts.

Two years from now, Lily Evans Potter, would be dead.


	2. Chapter 2

Severus spent the next few days in shock of being back in the past. His father, long dead, was now alive and just as unpleasant as ever. During his childhood Severus had been fearful of his father, and it felt like it hadn't change. Even though logically Severus knew he shouldn't be afraid of the drunken garbage, his mind still screamed otherwise. Severus had the experience of an adult, but his brain was still underdeveloped. Logic simply didn't work at full capacity. So he kept himself from home as much as he could.

His favorite spot was playing at the local playground, watching Lily's house. It had been two days since returning and Severus hadn't got up the courage to cross the street and try to apologize once more. In the back of his mind, Severus believed it to be a waste of time. He was living in a world after he and Lily had their fall out. This left Severus not knowing what he should or could do. But Albus had said there was a chance he could fix things. Believing in that aspect became difficult with each passing hour as his adult mind faded more and more. Teenager defeatist logic was settling in strongly in Severus.

He couldn't just go over there and speak to Lily. She would merely hex him. Severus didn't blame her. So he just shut his eyes and kept on swinging lazily on the swing set. The sun was warm, but not too warm. That he could enjoy, even if it turned his pale skin lobster red. Lost in his thoughts, Severus sunbathed as he thought of all the mistakes he had to erase somehow.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice came sharp and accusingly causing Severus to open his eyes suddenly. Lily stood before him, her arms crossed, her mouth in a sour frown. His heart began to pound despite her angered look. She was there right in front of him. If he reached out he could touch her, but best yet he could speak to her for the first time in almost twenty years.

"This is still my neighborhood playground, Lily." Severus answered cautiously, knowing it would be a big mistake to admit to watching her house.

"I've been watching you all morning, Severus Snape. I know you have been looking at my house." She called his bluff quickly, her eyebrows knitting together. "Why are you such a liar?"

Severus kept his face calm as the conversation quickly turned foul. 'Don't get angry', Severus told himself. 'Don't let her passionate personality effect you.'

"Would you prefer for me to admit that I was staring at your house, Lily?" Severus meant this to ease the atmosphere but Lily's eyes narrowed at him.

"So you were watching my house. I told you to leave alone." She asserted negatively.

Severus took a steady breath, his heart twisted inside his chest, and his body was cramping in anger. He could feel it, his brain was swallowing his adult mind. "I just wanted to talk to you, Lily."

"Well I have nothing to say to you, Severus." Lily turned on her heels to leave. "Just go back to your Death Eater friends."

"They aren't my friends." Severus called out to her. She stopped in her place and Severus could only look at her long red hair, not knowing what she was thinking. "Lily, please, I take back what I said."

"You've already said you do but that still doesn't erase the fact that you said it." Lily voice dipped in sadness and her shoulders slumped. It was clear to him now, with hindsight, Lily still cared for him. Even then.

"I have to go, Severus." Her voice cracked. "Stop looking for me, please." She pleaded one last time, looking over her shoulder. The hurt in her face was much more evident now that Severus wasn't lashing out at her in anger.

"Wait, Lily, please." Severus found his voice uncharacteristically weak and pleading. "I will erase everything that I can." Once again Lily paused. Her green eyes looking at him questionably. "I can't take back what I said. But I swear to you now, I will not join Volde- You-Know-Who."

He had thought he would see hope, happiness in her eyes. Instead, there was only sadness. "I don't believe you."

Severus gripped the chain links in the swing tightly as his heart plummeted. Swallowing thickly, Severus attempted to speak evenly and rationally, "No, I suppose you wouldn't. Words are merely empty shells with little meaning if there isn't proof behind them."

His statement smoothed Lily's nerves and instead of fleeing back to her house like Severus had originally believed she would, she instead took the second swing next to Severus. Slowly she rocked back and forth and her swing began to squeak. "Lily?" Severus said slowly, not sure what to think of her right next to him. The palm of his hands burned for him to reach over and touch her. He knew this was reality, everything had vividness that didn't exist even in pensives.

"I don't know exactly what to say." Lily whispered before tilting back in her swing before pumping her legs quickly and setting herself in a full swing. She didn't look at Severus, and just kept her eyes on the clear blue sky above her.

Severus watched her swing back and forth for several moments; her hair furling and unfurling in the motion like fire. "There shouldn't be anything to say."

"What do you mean?" Lily asked evenly, still keeping her eyes up at the sky.

"I've been a fool, is all." Severus answered vaguely.

Lily sat up suddenly, her heels digging into the ground. Once again her green eyes were on Severus. They scrutinized him before she questioned once again, "Did you really mean you aren't friends with Avery and Mulciber and everything?"

"Every word of it."

"Then," Lily once again leaned back in her swing and started back up her moment quickly, "I guess I'll have to listen to you for now. That is listen, Severus, not trust." She made painfully clear.

Though not being trusted felt sour, Severus was no stranger to being distrusted. "I understand." He slowly said before relaxing before following Lily's lead and leaned back to start swinging as well. The mere action seemed juvenile, yet it felt nice to swing next to Lily like he once had as a child. It was peaceful, something Severus had not experienced most of his life.

Yet, that experience was broken rather quickly, "James asked me if I would date him again. I almost said yes." She had spoken it softly, with strong uncertainty.

"I can't say I agree with the situation." Severus snarled, his swinging halting immediately.

"Things change, Sev." Lily said before halting as well.

They remained silently for another more painful moment. Severus knew this would happen. Yet, after all of these years, it still enraged Severus to know that Potter would have Lily. That teenage mindset was telling him to yell at Lily for being an idiot. But Severus closed his eyes and took calming breaths before letting his mind empty itself.

"You know, at one time, I thought you would be my first boyfriend." Lily spoke suddenly causing Severus more pain than she probably realized. "But then, I noticed, you didn't like muggle-borns." She sucked in a breath and smiled at his sadly. "Funny how things change in a few years."

"To me, you were never just a muggle." Severus stated flatly.

"But that was you just trying to pretend I was something else I wasn't. Admit it." Lily said with a slight edge in her voice.

Severus had to bite his tongue from lying. He couldn't will himself to answer her out right, so he nodded slightly. "I knew it..." Lily harshly whispered.

"You wanted the truth." Severus pointed out.

"Sometimes a white lie is in order!" Lily harrumphed.

"That doesn't sound like you." Severus pointed out coyly.

"You know what, Sev." Lily glared at him hotly for a moment before laughing. "You're right. I'm glad you had enough courage in you to tell the truth. And here I was under the impression all Slytherins were cowards."

Severus relaxed at hearing her laugh and joke with him. "Well, if you had to suffer your wrath, Lily, you would turn coat and run."

This caused Lily to giggle some more, leaving Severus with a warm feeling in his chest. It had been far too long since he caused Lily to laugh. "Am I that awful?" Lily snorted.

"I'm not going to answer that one, Lily Evans. I wish to live to see my Eighteenth birthday." Severus answered dryly.

Lily let out a couple more laughs before just beaming at him with that overly friendly smile. "I'm glad, you finally changed your mind, Sev. I really missed you."

Severus tried his best to smile back, but he wasn't a smiler, and his heart was pounding so hard it was practically suffocating him. Luckily, he didn't have to say anything and Lily stood before hugging him tightly. "I really mean it, Sev. I really thought you would never change your mind. But I swear, don't mess up this time."

Her voice was soft and Severus felt as if he were drowning in the warmth of her hug. Severus wasn't one for hugs, but any from Lily Evans he would gladly accept. But it felt so awkward, even when he wrapped his arms around her middle. She smelt the same as he remembered, clean and some type of flowery scent he didn't recognize. He dumbly soaked it in until she let go off him, her eyes bright with threatening tears.

"Well Severus, I have to go now. We can meet tomorrow, you know. If you want." Lily stated as she whiped her face with the back of her hand.

"Of course. I'll be here tomorrow, waiting." Severus answered too smoothly despite how he felt.

"Okay then." Lily smiled one more time at him. "Bye."

"Bye." Severus replied before watching Lily slowly walk back to her house. She looked back at him at her porch one last time before entering and leaving him be.

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**Sorry if there isn't quite plot here. I'm still setting things up and sort of introducing to Severus predicament. That being said, a human brain isn't fully developed until your 24, so if Severus was whisked back in time, I truly wonder what all that adult intuition would do for him. After all, he wouldn't have full cognitive skills. Just a random thought and maybe something I can use in this fic. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for all the reviews guys. Sorry for the wait! I'm in the middle of finals but I will be finished next week. I should start picking up the pace with this soon. I'm just having fun writing little scenes. **

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His appearance was appalling, Severus decided the next morning when he decided to try and groom himself properly. He would never grow out of his greasy hair, Severus knew, but his teenage form was much, much, worse than when he was an adult. Luckily, his skin wasn't mired with red bumps and pimples. He just looked... filthy. And Severus felt dirty, living in the house of his father. He could barely breathe with all of the rubbish rotting downstairs below. If his father didn't try to beat him over the head with a beer bottle every time he took out his wand, Severus would have vanished all of it away. But when ever Severus went downstairs he didn't linger for long.

Now, he had to somehow sneak down there and use the bathroom so he could shower. That was no problem, Severus just had to walk softly through the trash and into the hall beside the stairs. Taking a steady breath, Severus quickly and silently left his room and descended into the knee high trash. He could hear the loud snoring from his father who was in a drunken sleep in his chair. Cat like, Severus half hoped on deft feet before shutting the door tightly. His hand was wrapped deathly tight around his wand. Taking it out he cast Colloportus, locking the door for safety.

Begrudgingly, Severus came back to his senses. It was silly of him to fear his father after facing far more nastier things than a drunk. He had a lot of convincing he had to do for his brain. It was illogical. But he was safe in there with the charmed door. So he stripped and started his cold shower. There was no shampoo, only a sliver of soap that Severus used to rub his body down and wash his hair. It wasn't a well scented soap bar either. It was too perfumy. Severus was going to smell like an old lady, not a teenage boy.

As he dried off, Severus wiped the mirror to see that his face did look a lot more greasy but now felt dry. There was no happy medium. But he didn't have time to dwell vainly on his looks. He wanted to be out at the playground early. Quickly, he buttoned up his white shirt he usually wore with his black wizarding robes before tightening his belt on his overly large pants. He looked like an idiot with a tight fitting shirt and loose pants. But it was the best he could do besides his non-muggle clothing.

Lily was the only thing on his mind as he exited the bathroom, neither hand on his wand. Then, a loud pop and stars erupted in his eyes as he staggered into a wall. His father was over him, breathing deeply and mad. "Where do ya think yer doin' in m'bathroom and this bloody time of the day, boy?"

Severus covered his ear and could hear the ringing in his ears as his equilibrium tried to find his balance. Just as Severus found his footing, his father yanked him by the collar of his shirt and roared, "Ya listenin' to me, ya filthy good f'r nothin'?"

Gripping his wand, Severus whipped it out with a cold look in his eyes. It would be so easy to hurt his father, so easy to cause him insanity. The very idea was tempting if Severus didn't dread the consequences.

"Ya dare take out that stick in front of me? BOY!" Tobias Snape roared loudly, his face turning purple with the effort.

"It would be my pleasure to make you puke up slugs for a week." Severus snapped back as he backed slowly towards the front door.

"Yer just like yer whore of a mother. Get outta here before I kick ya outta my house!" Tobias spat. "An' if I catcha ya taking a shower at bloody eight o'clock in the fucking morning, I'll skin ya. Don't think that stick of yours will save ya. It didn' save yer mother!"

Severus reached for the door handle and wrenched open the door, his wand out in front of him protectively before exiting out into the cool morning. Inside he could hear beer bottles and other things clanging around. Severus didn't want to stick around and walked briskly from his home. If you wanted to call that place his home.

Removing his hand from his ear he spotted blood and other fluid on his palm. The ringing in his hear hadn't lessened, and Severus was more than positive that he his eardrum had burst. He knew healing magics, but hearing was a serious thing Severus wasn't willing to risk. As soon as the summer ended, which was luckily soon, he would visit the medical ward and get his ear fixed. Luckily this was his last summer, and if his memory served him right, his father only had another year to live before his live finally gave out.

Quickly, Severus made his way to the playground before sitting on a swing and swaying back and forth. The throbbing in his ear was terrible, but Severus thought it would be perfect time to think what he should do. In his sixth year he was well on his way to becoming a Death Eater. He had all the connections and was helping his fellow classmates propagate the Dark Lord's name to the younger students. Many were convinced to join because of his efforts and Severus half wondered if he had been convinced as well from Lucius Malfoy. It was a possibility, but Severus was wiser than that. He was power hungry and deep down, Severus was still power hungry.

But this time he would make a different decision. Firstly, he would abandon his friends and try to sabotage their efforts in recruiting in the Slytherin common room. Less would-be-Death-Eaters would make Voldemort's forces smaller. Other than that, Severus couldn't think further on in his future, besides securing Lily as a friend and ensuring her safety.

His inability to plan more than a few goals was frustrating.

"You're here already?" Lily's voice cut in from behind him making Severus to jump. The poor hearing his ringing, throbbing ears had caused Severus to be caught off guard. Any other day Severus would have whipped out his wand and placed a well aimed curse on whom ever snuck up on him. Instead, Severus stood quickly before spinning with little coordination. "You alright? You look like you've seen death." Lily commented with a slight giggle.

Bitterly, Severus could only think to himself on how he had seen death. But those thoughts were quickly washed away by the sight of Lily's soft blue, summer dress. "I was thinking too hard I suppose." He drawled before settling on this swing. The whole world was spinning and off balanced due to his ear.

"Well, you are good at that Severus. That at least never changed." Lily commented before joining him in a swing next to him. "But seriously, Sev, you look awfully pale."

In a low tone, Severus droned, "Nothing of any importance. I'm just naturally pale, obviously."

Lily's brows knitted and Severus could see a fire burning in her green eyes, "Well you don't have to be so rude, Severus. And here I thought you had 'changed' as you seem to have claimed yesterday."

Severus pursed his lips at Lily's childish spurts of anger, "I honestly don't ever remember being a gentlemen, Lily. Isn't that what you liked about me? For my unrestrained honesty?"

Lily looked at him grudgingly. She was caught between logic and being an angry teen. "Well, forget what I said. We were supposed to hang out. I want to go get breakfast. I haven't ate, have you?"

Severus shook his head, slowly, trying to not cause anymore pain in his ear. Lily gasped suddenly, "What happened to your ear!"

"Tobias." He answered with little feeling. Before he could take another breath, one of Lily's warm hands tipped his chin gently.

"What did you do to you? Your ear is swollen and it there's crusty stuff coming out of it!" Her shrieks were muffled as well in that ear, luckily. But feeling her chest had started a tornado of butterflies in his chest. His heart pounded an it was becoming increasingly hard to breath normally. He always loved her touch. It was motherly, sure, but it was the nicest sensation Severus had felt.

"Hit me is all. Should have jinxed him." Severus answered slowly.

"Clearly!" Lily said incredulously before letting go of Severus' chin. "But you never stand up to him, Sev. Then things like this happen."

"I'm shocked you actually encourage me to use magic against a muggle. That's against the law, I believe." He hadn't meant it humorously, yet Lily let out a soft laugh before saying, "You're right. That is a terrible thing to suggest."

Severus nodded and Lily stood before pulling him to his feet. "Well, I don't think I need to ask again if you have eaten or not. Knowing your father, you didn't even get that far. Breakfast is on me then." She declared before pulling them from the playground. Severus felt a smile appear on his lips as he let Lily pull him to the street. She looked beautiful even when determined and slightly bossy something he had missed in his previous life.

Why hadn't he seen that before?


End file.
